Love

Kyle is the greatest thing ever.
This weekend reaffirmed how much I love him.
Just being around him makes me happy.
We had some lazy, pillow talks. Those are the best.
When you are just laying together looking into each other eyes…knowing that is this person gets you so completely, more than anyone on this earth.
They like your weird quirkiness and don’t mind too much if you are a little messy.
They will just remind you to pick up the pile of clothes….
My favorite thing to do since Kyle wont let us turn on the heat is to torture him.
It usually ends in an extreme wrestling match. He usually wins…

But I have a few tricks, I am very wiggly.
I have low blood pressure, so my hands and feet get cold. Really cold.
I try to get under his shirt and touch his skin with my cold hands or feet.
He hates it.
It makes me laugh so much.

Last night I couldn’t get to sleep. Probably because of a 3 hour nap I took.
I lay in bed for an hour thinking. I was so greatful for the window in our room that showed the shadows of the tree right outside on the blinds. I stared at it and thought.

“I love my life. I love the decisions I have made and will be making. I know so deeply that they are right and will increase my happiness.”

I have decided not to go to grad school. Telling my parents was heartbreaking. I didn’t want to disappoint them. They have always wanted me to succeed.

I want to be a mother. SO BADLY.
I go to work and hold these beautiful babies and the desire grows stronger.
I play with the toddlers and laugh when they try to eat crayons.
The preschoolers, 5 year olds, and up and up. I secretly love them all.

I want my own. I want a life with children that bring me joy.
A masters degree couldn’t never bring that much…