A glimpse of my heaven.

I have been wanting to write more in this space, to share thoughts and ideas. But man oh man….sometimes there is too much to write about and I can’t sort out the jumbled mess inside my head. The interconnectedness of it all is overwhelming. Like a spider web, all the areas of my life are like a thread and they overlap and influence each other and because of that, things can go sour really quickly. Conversely, things can get amped up in happiness quantities just as easily.

I can find a lot to complain about and I am REALLY good at complaining. I would get an A+ if grades were ever given for our murmuring capabilities. I notice the problems and study how they affect EVERYTHING in my life and pretty soon I am wallowing and encouraging everyone to join in with me.

I try not to, but sometimes it just gets the better of me.

They say happiness is choice that you have to make everyday and sometimes it is just really really really really really hard to choose it. You wake up tired, you are trying to be a mom that your child will remember with fondness, you are trying to keep up with all the good choices you know you should make as well as all the basic necessary choices of keeping a home livable and enough money in the bank.

Add on life’s trials and it is enough to make anyone want to crawl up into a ball, under the covers, fervently praying for angels to descend and take care of it all for you, just for one day at least.

It makes me overwhelmed just thinking about it. But these boys, oh man.

A smile, a chuckle, a hug from them blows all of that away. It is the strangest phenomenon to experience. When you feel like you might collapse with the weight of to do lists and spit up and tantrums, they flip it all around in an instant.

They impact EVERYTHING and when one thing goes wrong, it quickly starts hitting other areas of life. Lack of sleep becomes stress which becomes a short temper which become lack of patience and on and on and on. But when it is good, it blows everything out of the water with this sickly sweet, heart-swelling, bursting forth with joy goodness. When they smile and act sweetly you remember why you signed up for this. Why you made the choice to raise a family and why, despite you are poor in many temporal things, you are rich in love.